Nobody’s fault but mine

Perhaps you’ve noticed it’s been quiet at The Lolly Diaries lately. Not that I really expect you to notice, but if you have, I owe you an explanation. It’s nobody’s fault but mine – I’ve been wrestling with a decision that writing about hasn’t come easily.

But today the decision materialized and, though a bit sad, I feel good about it overall. And again, it’s nobody’s fault, just my decision based on timing.

That decision is to put grad school and my MSW on hold. We’ll see what the future holds, but the present has held some family medical crises that have made me realize we have a predicament here.

Full-time grad school plus a two-day-a-week internship don’t lend themselves lightly to taking time off when a parent needs you.

Or on the happy end of the spectrum, when a new grandchild arrives, as will happen in November.

I want to be available to help in anyway on either end of the spectrum – and without having to ask for favors or indulgences from the Department of Social Work. Or, heaven forbid, without making bad grades from missing classes.

That is so 19-year-old Laura-ish. At 56, you take school seriously.

But you take life’s signals more seriously, if you’re tapped into them. They’re telling me to slow down. Pay attention.

Great-Grammy entertains Sylvie, the birthday girl, at her party in June.

As you can see in this picture from Sylvia’s first birthday party in mid-June, Mother looks vibrant, happy and beautiful, for a great-grammy – heck, for anybody of any age. By late June, she was hospitalized in bad shape and things were pretty scary.

She’s all right now, but it’s a constant fine-balancing act.

We left her still sick to jet up to Washington, to John’s ailing mother; a return trip already beckons by October, if not before.

I expect to be seeing Kitty’s yard again soon.

Those are the things that matter the most right now.

Interestingly, as I’ve been wrestling with these things, a couple of cool, part-time job possibilities have sought me out – ones that can be done on my schedule and via internet if I’m called away.

Maybe they won’t pan even out, but maybe it’s the universe talking.

And Julia and I have VernaJewel fired up. That makes us a couple of happy sew-and-sews.

We’ll see what I can stitch up for the future, but for now, I’m at peace with a hard decision. Wistful, a bit heart-achy, but at peace. It was great scoring well on the MAT and getting accepted into the program. I loved the hard work, managing to make all As and hanging with the college kids.

But I love being there for the people I love even more.

(It’s a marvelous age for a) Moondance

This is a bit of a departure, but remember the long paper on dance as fitness for the elderly that I mentioned before? I’ve decided to share it, with this warning label: It’s quite long and somewhat academic – you might want to read it in chunks. But my professors have been indulgent in letting me write my papers in a mash-up of journalism and APA (scholarly journal) style, and I’ve been told by a couple of people that it’s worth posting, so here goes.

Maybe it will inspire you to dance through your silver and golden years. And Van Morrison is sure to make you want to move.


When it comes to exercise and the elderly, the consensus seems fairly clear: Appropriate physical activity is good for the aging body, mind, and – as research and anecdotal evidence increasingly show – spirits. New studies continue to report varying degrees of benefit from varying forms of exercise; findings may vary but most agree that regular physical activity has benefits that range from enhanced strength, balance, coordination, and endurance to improved cognition and decreased dementia to better psychosocial health and sense of well-being (Lindwall, Rennemark, & Berggren, 2008).

Adding exercise to one’s regimen to add life to one’s years would seem to be a no-brainer, but many people, especially the elderly, have no interest in exercise or no idea where to start. Conflicting reports don’t help; in two days, this writer received two emails, one the New York Times Health Update (April 24, 2012), the other the Psych Central Newsletter (April 25, 2012). Both feature articles touting the benefits of exercise for the aging brain, but Gretchen Reynolds of the Times reports that aerobic exercise such as walking or running is the way to preserve or improve brain function, while Psych Central’s Janice Wood reports that lifting weights does the trick. “A new study shows that an exercise program that features resistance training improves the cognitive functioning of older women,” Wood begins the article that describes a Canadian study of 86 women with mild cognitive impairment.

In the big picture, the type of exercise is not as important as the fact of consistent exercise, and one of the best ways to encourage exercise is to make it fun. This paper will look at research-proven benefits of consistent exercise to keep the aging functional and independent, as well as how elders can have fun while achieving those benefits through dance, specifically three types: ballroom dance, belly or Middle Eastern dance, and choreographed/performance dance.

First, however, is a look at two nonagenarians this writer has the privilege of knowing. Their names have been changed.

A contrast in aging: Two 90-year-olds

As members of the same birth cohort, Burt and Dorothy share many life experiences, though they live in different parts of the United States and have never met. They’re also members of a much smaller group, independent-minded 90-year-olds who live at home alone – definitely by choice. Other commonalities are that each comes from a humble background, has a high school education and a more than comfortable standard of living (Burt owned his own business, as did Dorothy’s husband), and is widowed after a decades-long marriage. Both have been trim to thin their entire lives. Dorothy has a pacemaker; Burt has a couple of heart surgeries in his past.

The similarities stop there, though. At 90, Dorothy is very frail, has mild to moderate cognitive impairment, prefers the company of her cats to humans, walks tentatively at home and fearfully outside her comfort zone, and, except for a bit of flower gardening, lives a sedentary lifestyle. Her beloved crossword puzzles sit unworked these days and she finds bridge club more annoying than fun, partly because “the other women want to talk too much.” Her days of living alone are numbered, as she is unable to carry out some instrumental activities of daily living and has difficulty with some of the ones she can still manage.

Burt, on the other hand, is a testament to active aging. He is sharp, alert, outgoing, and spry; he loves to laugh, and the highlight of most weeks is his regular Sunday evening dance date at the local VFW. Burt has always been a dancer and will “cut a rug,” as he calls it, anywhere there’s music, dance floor or no. When his wife died after a years-long illness, dancing became an even more important part of his life. Though his family is large and very attentive, the company of his peers – although he will tell you he has outlived most of them – and the physical activity at the VFW keep him vitalized. He leaves Sunday afternoon family get-togethers early to head to the dance floor; he dares not leave the ladies waiting. At his afternoon 90th birthday party, which had about 300 guests and featured a live band, Burt danced off and on for the four hours the party lasted. He may not live to dance, but he certainly loves to dance.

Attributing the differences between Dorothy and Burt in activity level, confidence, and mental acuity solely to exercise would be too great a stretch, but the research is there to support the belief that it makes a difference in how they are aging.

The proof is in the research

In a 2008 article published in Aging & Mental Health, Swedish researchers Lindwall, et al., showed confidence in the exercise-mental health correlation.

“Aging is, for most individuals, accompanied with a general decline in cognitive function. Another aspect that seems to accompany aging is a decline in physical activity. From a ‘health-in-old age’ perspective this is most unfortunate, as regular physical activity and exercise has been linked to enhanced physiological as well as psychological and psychosocial health for older adults” (p. 212).

The researchers studied a random sample of urban and rural Swedes 60 and older, 585 men (average age 74) and 817 women (average age 76) (Lindwall, et al., 2008). They determined that “physically active older adults perform better than inactive older adults in a wide range of cognitive function tests,” (p. 212). They found consistent light-intensity exercise sufficient for an association with general cognitive alertness and an association between moving from an active to an inactive lifestyle with lower Mini-Mental State Examination (MMSE) scores, particularly for men. They also cite support “for the notion that physical activity may be protective of future cognitive decline and risk of dementia” (p. 217).

A sound mind is not enough to enable an elderly person to carry out the activities of daily living, however; a certain level of strength, coordination, agility, balance, and flexibility is necessary to function independently, a level that can be achieved and maintained by exercise.

“In addition to a general decline in physical fitness, the aging process is accompanied by a progressive decline in perception, motor behavior, cognition, and memory functions. Therefore, the preservation of everyday life skills and the maintenance of independent living become increasingly important with advancing age. It is well established that physical fitness is intimately associated with cognitive performance in the elderly. Consequently, high levels of physical fitness have been assumed to be a major factor contributing to the maintenance of independent living and everyday competence” (Kattenstroth, Kalisch, Kolankowska, & Dinse, 2011, p. 1).

Physical fitness, or lack thereof, can also affect and perhaps predict “adverse health events in elders” (Cesari, et al., 2009, p. 251). A team of researchers studied 3,024 older people with a mean age of 73.6, using the Short Physical Performance Battery (SPPB) over 6.9 years to evaluate their functional status (Cesari, et al., 2009). The three measures used were usual gait speed, repeated chair stands (standing from a seated position five times without using one’s arms) and standing balance (three variations, ending with standing on one leg). These measures, Cesari, et al., report, have shown good reliability and are “predictive of adverse health-related outcomes in older persons” (p. 252).

Though they admit shortcomings in the study, the authors say that their study population is representative of well-functioning 70- to 79-year-olds and “the results may be useful for evaluating older persons in whom a disabling process is not yet clinically evident, providing a basis for the development of a ‘real’ preventive program” (Cesari, et al., 2009, p. 258).

The most effective preventive, rehabilitative, or maintenance program will not work if an elder isn’t motivated to exercise. This is where the putting fun in function can make a significant difference. Dr. Dafna Merom of the University of Sydney told Asian Scientist Magazine that helpful though it may be, formal exercise may not be the way to go when it comes to elder fitness (Chan, 2012). “Dance is a complex sensory motor rhythmic activity. It also has cognitive and social dimensions. This package as a whole can simultaneously address a wide range of physiological and cognitive risk factors that contribute to falls,” Merom said (Chan, 2012, p. 1).

Merom, who also pointed out that social dancing is fun and available, will lead a year-long international study of the effects of twice weekly ballroom dance classes on the falls and cognition in 450 older people (Chan, 2012).

Dancing in the moonlight years

Merom is not the first person to look at dance and the elderly. Though dance was not a major component of the 21-year Bronx Aging Study, a link between non-specific dancing and reduced dementia risk did appear (Verghese, et al., 2003). “Dancing was the only physical activity associated with a lower risk of dementia,” according to Verghese, et al.’s, article “Leisure Activities and the Risk of Dementia in the Elderly,” published by The New England Journal of Medicine (p. 2512). The authors seem later to lump dance into the broader “leisure” category, despite it being listed in Table 2 (p. 2513) as a physical activity.

“Reading, playing board games, playing musical instruments, and dancing were associated with a lower risk of dementia in our cohort. There was no association between physical activity and the risk of dementia. Exercise is said to have beneficial effects on the brain by promoting plasticity, increasing the levels of neurotrophic factors in the brain, and enhancing resistance to insults. Cognitive and physical activities overlap, and therefore it is not surprising that previous studies have disagreed on the role of physical activities. Although physical activities are clearly important in promoting overall health, their protective effect against dementia remains uncertain” (Verghese, et al., p. 2515).

For anyone who has ever danced, the protection is easy to understand. Not only does dance condition muscles, loosen joints, and increase flexibility, balance and aerobic capacity, it also requires concentration to learn not just new moves but new moves in a specific order. Ballroom dance requires even more mental acuity; dancers quickly have to recognize the rhythm of a song to pick the appropriate dance, men have to decide which moves to do and when, and women not only have to anticipate and follow the men’s moves, but, to paraphrase Ginger Rogers, they have to do it backward. The colloquialism “stretching your brain” comes to mind – which, of course, is a layman’s term (perhaps unknowingly) for promoting plasticity.

Learning new steps backward may be even better for your brain.

A Society for Neuroscience article cites a McGill University study of Argentine tango and the aging brain, in which 30 people aged 62 to 90, all of whom had fallen in the past year and developed a fear of falling, were divided into a walking group or a tango group (Harris, 2005). Each group met for two hours twice a week for 10 weeks.

The article puts Rogers’ famous quote into scientific terms.

“Tango dancing is beneficial to the elderly, says Patricia McKinley, PhD., because it incorporates elements found in standard neurological rehabilitation programs: forward, backward and side-to-side weight shift; one-legged stance; walking on a straight line both backwards and forwards; increasing step length in all directions; and turning within a narrow space” (Harris, 2005).

The music is another plus. “An added benefit of tango is that its movements are performed to music, which is known to facilitate performance of ambulatory activities,” says McKinley (Harris, 2005).

McKinley concluded that tango dancing is ideal for senior citizens and “satisfies three basic requirements for exercise adherence: It’s fun, it’s a group activity, and it has a tangible goal that can be perceived not only by the dancer, but by his or her family and friends” (Harris, 2005).

And-a one: Ballroom dance

For many seniors, ballroom dancing for physical fitness is a continuation of something they’ve always done or returning to something they enjoyed in their younger years, but newcomers need not be deterred or think learning to dance late in life is not worth the effort. To the contrary, at least one study shows that newcomers or amateur dancers benefit more from adding dance to their lives than long-term, expert, or competitive dancers do by continuing the activity at which they already excel.

Kattenstroth, et al., report that years of dancing regularly in old age has a wide range of benefits, including positive effects on posture, sensorimotor capabilities, and cognitive performance, especially when amateur dancers are compared to a non-dancing control group. When studying expert dancers (with “expert” based on dancing 4.5 hours per week for practice and 2.5 hours per week of competition), the researchers found the expert group tested better on reaction time, posture, and balance – which could be expected after years of practice – but no better than the non-dancing control group on cognition and hand-arm motor functions. In the expert group, some functions tested seemed to suffer at the expense of devoting so much time and attention to ballroom dance. The actual positive-aging benefits seemed to be higher for the amateur group members, who not only increased their activity level but were constantly learning new moves (2011).

Again, the “fun factor,” or psychosocial effect, plays a huge part in making ballroom dance an excellent exercise activity for the aging, according to a Dallas Morning News article.

“Dr. Robert K. Rosen, an internist at Baylor University Medical Center at Dallas, says ballroom dancing has several health benefits for senior citizens. In particular, he says the communal nature of dancing helps keep them from becoming isolated or lonely.

“I think anything that can be done to keep them active and interested and involved is an excellent idea, Dr. Rosen says.

‘Ballroom dancing really does challenge every part of your system, from your hearing, vision, mental alertness to coordination and our cardiovascular system.’

Seniors who have frail bones should be careful when ballroom dancing, Dr. Rosen says, as they are more likely to be injured if they fall” (Tenore, 2008).

And-a two: Belly dance

The ancient art of belly dance, though not as widely practiced, offers another fun and expressive physical activity for senior women (though men can certainly do it too). Some might think it for young women only, but the original Mirana, of the Mirana Middle Eastern Dance Company in Little Rock, was well into her 70s and still performing and teaching when she finally retired; women of all ages make up the classes at Arkansas Belly Dance today.

Belly dance (also known as Middle Eastern dance) works the entire body with its undulating movements and requires the same stretching of the brain as ballroom dance – perhaps more than ballroom dance, as the moves newcomers learn are so unfamiliar. Since no partner is required, belly dance can be ideal for divorced or widowed older women who might be shy about going solo to a ballroom dance class, and the all-ages nature of many belly dance classes and troupes makes it an accessible, intergenerational activity in communities where no senior classes are offered. Some senior centers and retirement homes do incorporate the Middle Eastern dance form into their activity schedule, and it has been popular.

An Israeli doctor, Clara Friedman, recently completed a Clalit Health Services study of the effects of belly dance on women’s health, following 129 women with an average age of 49 for a year. The results were impressive. Not only did some of the women decrease their visits to a family doctor, they also saw a general improvement in health (Even, 2011).

“At the end of the year-long workshop, where the women belly danced for two hours a week, their general health assessment rose by an average of 5.54 points to a total 9.09 points, on a scale of 1-10.

“Furthermore, the women’s’ average body mass index (BMI) went down from 25.34 units, and approximately 70% of them described a decrease in their weight. According to the researchers, belly dancing is ‘a safe and pleasant form of physical exercise that has a positive effect on both physical and mental health’” (Even, 2011).


And-a three: Choreographed/performance dance

The sound of tap or jazz shoes on a wooden floor is what calls some seniors into exercise. Maybe it is the fulfillment of a dream, like for this writer’s mother, who took tap dance lessons for the first time in middle age; the money for dance lessons was not there in her youth. Perhaps it is a return to something at which seniors excelled or that they enjoyed in their youth. Whatever the reason, the foot-tapping rhythms and repetitive steps make for heart-pumping workouts, and adult classes are easy to find in most cities of any size.

Sadler’s Wells Theatre in London, England, has taken things several steps further when it comes to seniors and performing arts dance. Their Company of Elders troupe for people 60 and over offers older adults, even those who have never danced before, a chance to train with international choreographers and perform all over England, as well as in Russia, Portugal, and Italy (Ross, 2007). Videos of the Company at show the joy and confidence the program brings to the 25 dancers selected to be in the troupe. One of the dancers, Sybil Fox, who was 78 and had two new hips and a replaced knee when she was interviewed in 2007, said the benefits go beyond the physical.

“I have always been determined to keep agile and ‘young thinking’ to whatever age I am fortunate to live to. I like to give anything a go at least once. I cannot imagine that any other group could so help me do this. The physical benefits go without saying. We are not treated as ‘old people’ and consequently do not feel old” (Ross, 2007, p. 38).

Ross (2007) reports that Company of Elders members gave the following reasons to participate in organized dance in the later years: an increase in creativity, a boost in self-confidence; an extension of skills, bringing a sense of purpose into late life, improving fitness, and having social interaction with people who enjoy the same things. The men and women of the company are not retired dancers – they come from non-dance backgrounds including a retired chemistry chemist and a former math teacher – but they are definitely dancers now.

The finale

Evidence, anecdotal and research-based, is clear: Consistent, age- and skill-level-appropriate exercise is good for the aging brain, body, and soul. The more enjoyable and less regimented the form of exercise, the more likely seniors are to adhere to it, and, according to Lindwall et al. (2008), light or moderate intensity exercise, which has better adherence than more strenuous levels, “seem to be related to the most beneficial effects, at least in terms of mental health” (p. 218).

One would have to agree with the conclusion of Lindwall, et al., (2008) that “from a broader and more applied perspective, the well-known exercise motto ‘never too late to start, always too early to quit’ seems relevant to highlight once again” (p. 217). Those who dance their way through their senior years, whatever form they choose, may find permanent pep in their steps and joy in their hearts. At the very least, they could have a bit of fun and improve their functioning in daily life.

Dim lights, close curtain.

Dancing in the moonlight

Whew. Just finished a 10 1/2 page paper on dancing in the moonlight years – actually, it’s about the benefits of dancing for exercise and improved brain function in the elder years and looks at three specific types, ballroom, belly dance and choreographed/troupe-style dance.

The benefits are pretty impressive, and, for me, anyway, dancing is a path to joy. 

If you’re interested, maybe I’ll post some of it here sometime after it’s been submitted for grading.

In the meantime, you can check out some great videos of seniors who are members of the Company of Elders  in London at this link. (Um, click on those words. They’ll take you there. It’s worth it.)

Now it’s on to the 13-page paper on power imbalances in family mediation. I’ll spare you details on that one, but it’ll have me pretty tied up for the next few days.

But I wanted to pop in to say hey and remind you to dance often.

Give me just a little more time

For the past week and a half or so, I’ve really needed some magical power to give me just a little more time. I’ve wanted to blog and I’ve wanted to sew, but all my creative efforts have gone toward school. This weekend was the second marathon session of Family Mediation, 5-9 Friday night and all day Saturday and Sunday, which was great, but now we’re sitting powerless in the candlelight, without a clue what’s going on.

No bang of a transformer blowing. No crash of a vehicle meeting a utility pole, just sudden silence and darkness with occasional sirens in the distance. Kind of peaceful, actually, except for the eerie stillness in the air. And the next round of sirens that just started on Roosevelt.

Life in the ’hood.

So much for hitting the fab pile of fabric that’s been untouched for days.

That’s been rather the modus operandi of late, one surprise/disruption after another.

Oh well. Might as well use this time to write about what’s happened in the days I’ve been absent, even though I can’t post it until we get re-Entergized. Yesterday was John’s, Kitty’s, their friend Paul’s and their cousin Joanne’s birthday.

John, Cathy, brother Paul and I celebrated John’s big day at Ciao last night. Dinner was divine, as always. Such a nice restaurant, and how lucky we Quapawians are to have it! Five of our neighbors were at nearby tables, which made for an extra-nice touch.

Thursday Julia and I went to the Little Rock Sustainability Summit at the Clinton Library, which was another treat. Afterward Julia sat through my presentation for class today (thanks, again!), then I gave her a stylish new bob in my kitchen – we had a large time. Fun can be free.

Speaking of bobs, while we were sitting at the summit, I looked out the huge library window at a hotel that Daddy (Bob Cartwright) remodeled sometime before he became ill. Reminders are everywhere, especially in April.

By this time 30 years ago, he’d lost his ability to speak. But his strong, brave, young heart continued to beat.

I’m writing this April 15, which is the day the taxman cometh, but more importantly, it’s my grandmother Verna Jewel Tackett’s birthday (she’d be 96, had we not lost her when she was 85).

In 1982, this was nine days before Daddy’s death, though of course we didn’t know that then. We just knew it was imminent.

He died on April 24, on my grandfather Doyle Tackett’s birthday. April has always been an important birthday month. Now we also have Marie-Noelle on the 18th and Elizabeth on the 21st.

Which is also the date we see Tom Petty. Hallelujah! Can’t wait. Love that TP.

And of course Sunday was Easter at Mother’s. Quiche divine,  four kinds, with roasted veggies and peach cobbler. Heavenly.

On Friday the 6th, Julia and I took Sylvia for a walk down the sidewalks of Argenta (which we used to call downtown North Little Rock when I was little), inside Galaxy Furniture, and to lunch at Argenta Market, which was all a real treat on a lovely day.

So maybe it just seems like every second has gone toward school. I guess I really don’t know where it’s gone.

I do know that two long research papers and one (hard!) test are all that’s left of this semester. Can that possibly be true?

I could still use a little more time. Can’t somebody give me some? It’s going oh-so fast.

P.S. Power came back at 10:40ish. No explanation.

Running down a dream

The first semester of running down a dream is over – last test was Sunday (online classes; go figure), and now it’s back to the house-remodeling/Christmas-present-wrapping/getting-back-in-shape twist.


You may have noticed I’ve been blog-slacking for the last week. The final semester end-run was all encompassing, and yesterday I was drained. But last night we saw “The Descendants.” (Hurry, don’t wait, to see it!) George Clooney is amazing, and the whole Hawaii vibe is relaxing, despite the heavy subject matter.

Can’t recommend it highly enough.

And today I got back on the Wii Fit Plus program, which tells me my balance has taken a hit over this semester – doesn’t take long at this age to lose ground. I’ve Wii-weighed most every day and steadily worked out, but not to my normal levels.

Time to get back in the saddle.

If I’ve learned anything in the gerontology classes, it’s that we’ve got to look our for ourselves and take care of our bodies and minds. I’ve resumed the NYT crossword puzzles, too.

Life resumes. More later. Walls to be painted upstairs.

Mele Kalikimaka.

Learning to fly

In political terms which I try to avoid here since political discussions take up so much of my life – and tend to be hotter-than-hot potatoes – some might call me a flip-flopper. But to use a Bushism (those ridiculous gaffes are in danger of becoming almost endearing in these ugly political times), I’d rather think of myself as a “decider.”

Because, as my man Tom Petty says on the classic “Hard Promises”  (and which, amazingly, sadly, is not on YouTube!*), “you can still change your mind,” no matter the stakes, right? Only stuck people never waiver. If we continue to grow, we’re always learning to fly. 

And my wings have taken me from working on a gerontology degree to the pursuit of an MSW. That’s master’s in Social Work. Gerontology is housed in the Social Work department, so it’s not that radical a move, and I’m very, very pleased and excited about adding another year to my coursework.

Seriously. Even with the hard promises of hard work. 

But rather than write today about all my reasons for changing, especially since projects, papers and finals are breathing down my neck (so that’s dramatic personification. My undergrad degree is in English and I’ll always be a writer. Can’t help myself.), I thought I’d just let one section of my SW application essays speak for me today.

Describe the factors that have led you to choose social work as your profession.

In some ways, I’ve been practicing an untrained version of social work much of my life. From at least adolescence, I’ve tried to operate from a center of compassion and have been accused many times of caring too much. In high school I consciously reached out to the “misfits” and lower socioeconomic status students and did my best to operate from compassion in the tough early days of school desegregation. I’ve always championed for causes and advocated for change – I’ve also been accused of never being satisfied, but sometimes the status quo is unacceptable.

Social work in many ways feels like a natural extension of my high school teaching career. As a newspaper staff adviser and girls soccer coach, I had a closer bond with those students than regular classroom teachers, and many of them came to me for counseling and advice. Even my Journalism One and Creative Writing students – as well as my English students back in the 1980s when I was a very young woman – confided in me or consulted with me in times of trouble. Good teachers have much in common with social workers; we are mandated reporters, and we take education classes that cover Erikson, Freud, Maslow and Piaget at great length. Many of our in-service workshops are on working with the poor or on person in environment theories. I always proudly taught in and sent my children to public schools, which are true bastions of diversity.

Even as a newspaper health and fitness columnist, I often had people write, e-mail, or call for advice. Though I always told them I was not a professional, of course I did what I could to help, whether it involved researching the answer, referring them to someone else, or just listening and helping in whatever way I could.

What makes me know without a doubt that this is the right decision is that within two chapters of my Diversity and Oppression textbook,  a feeling of “coming home” washed over me.  Teaching and writing were my first two callings. Social work is my third – and it’s calling loud and clear.


So there you have it. Call me a bleeding-heart idealist. I’ve been called that before – and a whole lot worse.

Bring it on.

*Here’s a random dude doing a cover of one of my favorite TP songs, in case you can’t hear it in your head as I can.

The long and winding road

November already. My baby boy, Ben, will be 33 next week.

Again, where does the time go?

I recently realized it’s been 50 years since I started first grade – 50 years later I’m in school again. What a long and winding road it’s been.

We’re covering mentally and physically disabled people in Diversity and Oppression this week, which is what actually what made the “Wow, 50 years” light go off. Reading about disabilities in children took me back to a couple of elementary school memories, both of which have haunted me.

In my first grade class was a boy named I’ll call Elmer. (I remember his full name, how he dressed and combed his hair, and his rosy cheeks.) One day he just wasn’t there anymore and no one ever told us a thing.

I realized later that he was whisked off to a special school. He had an old-fashioned name and dressed like a little old man, so maybe he had older parents. I don’t remember ever seeing them. He didn’t communicate much – I don’t remember him speaking, actually – but he was very sweet.

But he wasn’t potty-trained, to put it nicely. Before he was just – poof – gone from his desk one day, he had several accidents of both kinds, to speak euphemistically. I don’t remember anyone being mean about it or making fun, and I don’t remember how our teacher, Mrs. Trent, handled it.

I’ve often wondered about him. And I wonder how things would be handled 50 years later.

(My first three grades were the T-name trifecta – Mrs. Trent, Mrs. Trusty and Mrs. Turner.)

The other memory is of a girl we’ll call Violet. She also had an old-fashioned name and an old-fashioned hairdo, and, sadly, she’d had polio and was wheelchair-bound. We didn’t think too much about it, but she must have really felt left out many, many times.

We did square-dancing for physical education in the third grade. Kelly and I and a couple of boys (can’t remember who) were on the “demonstration” team – we’d demonstrate new moves as we learned them and if I remember right, we also showed other classes the moves.

One day we were in the “cafetorium,” as they called the combo cafeteria and auditorium at North Heights, dancing, and Violet sat in her wheelchair watching. At some point our beloved Mrs. Turner let her go back to the classroom to read. When we got back to the room, Violet had poured Elmer’s glue in Kelly’s desk seat. Maybe mine, too – that’s a bit murky.

Fortunately no one sat in glue – the mischief was noticed in time. I remember being shocked at the blatant naughtiness of it and the unrepentedness of Violet.

Years later I realized what that was about – the proverbial light in my head went off. She wanted us to be glued to our chairs, as she was.

So sad. And so insensitive, really, with how things were handled. Instead of giving her an alternate activity, she was supposed to just watch us prancing, dancing and having fun.

I don’t remember her after that school year and I have no idea where she ended up. Maybe we just didn’t have anymore classes together.

But she’s haunted me, too.


On another note, speaking of prancing, we have Wrigley this weekend. She and Zuzu have been doing their usual nonstop playing since Ben dropped her off around 8:30 this morning. Both of them have slobbernecks, and they’re taking their first rest period at 11:35.

Wrigley and Zuzu take a time out. Wrigley is in her safety zone.

Lots of things going on this busy weekend all over the city and the state. At our house, it’s Dogfest.

Long as I can see the light

Norm and John and I spent an afternoon on the reservation, which has its own plates.

Whew. I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel of dread. And as long as I can see the light, I can take time to do a quick post.

It’s been a whirlwind week and a half, and though I wouldn’t miss it for anything, keeping up and catching up with school has been hellish. Got my 10-page policy paper in with 11 ½ hours to spare then actually went to Kroger and grocery shopped like a normal person, so this is my celebratory catch-up blog, before I review and take an online test later tonight.

Then there’s the presentation tomorrow night and catching up on reading for that class, a three-page paper due Sunday, a quiz Monday, and, and, and ….

Oh well. I got back in the exercise groove of baby weights yesterday morning and this afternoon with a Booty Barre DVD (love, love, love Tracey Mallett’s workouts). That always makes me feel more sane. If I can advise anyone on one thing it’s this: Set your exercise alarm and just do it. It’s the key to life, in my book. Blog. Whatever.

But back to the trip. Since I was able to download the pics from the real camera once we got home – right on time Monday afternoon WITH our luggage, both rarities – I can share some more Washington delights. Here they are:

Kitty and Norm recently moved from Yakima to this wonderful spot just up the hill from where Kitty and John grew up in Selah.

Ignore the cars in the Fred Meyer's parking lot and check out the trees and that sky. October in the desert.

Dave and Queen Nora with their darling grandkids – sibling 3 is arriving Nov. 3.

Outside Lakeview Cemetery. The ultra-high turned up boots are stylishly hiding a not-so-stylish hole from the leggings blowout I had that morning.

Sunday afternoon in Seattle.

Dave and Nora's little Dolly is a condo dog in Ballard these days.

And in the end …

Just watched an Andrew Weil documentary tonight – makeup work for a class I missed to come to Selah, Washington, for my mother-in-law’s 90th-birthday celebration, which is tomorrow. The subject and title of the documentary is “Healthy Aging” (available on Netflix) and one of the concepts he discussed is making an ethical will. 

That has nothing to do with what material things you’ll leave behind when you break on through to the other side, but what intangibles you want to leave behind. What words of wisdom to live by do you want to share with those you love?

Weil says you don’t have to be any certain age to create an ethical will. That’s something I’ve wanted to do for a while (grandchildren, while a source of great joy, can also make you pensive), and it will require much more thought than I’m giving it tonight.

But during the course of the movie, I immediately thought that no one could say it better than the Beatles did. Click on the link and hear for yourself. I hope you’ll agree.

And in the the end …

Thinkin’ problem

Yes, I admit I’ve got a thinkin’ problem – school’s always on my mind. It’s hard to relax, hard to unthink. This a particularly hellish week and it will end, but in the meantime, I’m on the edge of the ledge.

Music can always talk me down, but it’s hard to remember even to turn it on when you’re hopped up as a hamster on highballs. Must relax. Deep breaths.

The schoolwork piles up, the laundry piles up, the filth in the house piles up. Fortunately, my grades have gone up too, so maybe it’s worth it.

Tonight I’ve done a bit of therapeutic laundry and floor-scrubbing (the dogs got a not-quite-empty honey bear out of the recycling bin, which made for a bit of a mess), after taking time to go to Jude’s soccer game and visit with Sylvie on the sidelines. And now I’m listening to some good music and hitting the blog, which is way more fun than writing scholarly papers.

Of course tomorrow I might be regretting taking some personal time.

But I’m determined not to let life get away just because I’m in school. Time passes all too fast and things happen when you’re not paying attention. I need to remember to pay attention to life, too.

Tonight, when Zuzu, who’ll be a year old (already!) Friday, came after the broom, which to her is an ever-so-fun toy, and I ordered her to “leave it!,” she did! Just like that. When’d she get so grown up?

Annabelle turned 9 months old today – such a big girl! And Sylvia will be 4 months Friday. Wow.

In the big picture, is it worth retaking a test I made a 95 percent on to try for a better score when I could be spending time with the grandkids, the hubster, the dogs or seeing “Moneyball,” which we hope finally to do tomorrow night? These are the questions that keep me awake at night.

I’m fighting the urge to retake it. I’ve got papers to write, more tests to take, more reading to do. I need to move on.

Wish me luck. I’m trying.